Three Magic Words – Mugabe Must Go!

I recently stumbled on a set of three magical words. The incantation, if spoken in correct sequence, has seemingly mystical powers. Donor funds suddenly flow, visas are miraculously granted and fledgling careers receive the breath of life.
Even if you love Robert Mugabe, I am fast realising there might be profit in learning these three magical words: “Mugabe must go!”
Hatred is an unfortunate, beastly emotion.
It would not be so unpleasant if its manifestation did not involve a simultaneous suspension of our logical faculties.
It is in hate-filled anger that we often commit the most senseless acts.
Robert Mugabe’s “chutzpah” evokes not a small hatred in white hearts the world over. It is not a coincidence that the only countries that imposed sanctions against his government are exclusively white.
In this state of crazed hatred we have seen Western policymakers turn to Orwellian type madness. Ignorance is strength. Sanctions are love.
Seeing white hearts so blinded by hatred and vulnerable to deception, an enterprising coalition of mediocre blacks has set up shop and made a profitable industry of this white hatred.
The wares on sale are varied.
Those in the “independent” media soothe these distressed white hearts with satisfying tales of a frail Mugabe riddled with cancerous sores from head to toe. Heterosexual asylum seekers plead homosexuality and speak of vicious torture at the hands of Mugabe’s moral police. Application granted.
NGO’s have mushroomed across the country promising angry white hearts all manner of imperial goodies.
If we can just train more young people to use the Internet, we will surely topple Robert Mugabe. All we need is US$200 000 for capacity building.
Having shelved logic in pursuit of hate-inspired regime change, they are blind to the illogical and take it all in, swallowing hook, line and sinker.
Mugabe will shoot this little girl.
Many of us will remember the lovely Gamu Nhengu who captured British hearts with her beautiful voice on the hit television talent show, the X-FACTOR.
Her rising star came to a sudden and depressing halt after the show producers learnt of her visa troubles.
The authorities made it clear they intended to deport the entire family. Despite the best efforts of expensive lawyers lent out to the family by the X-FACTOR proprietor, Simon Cowell, it was clear they were unlikely to succeed.
It was time for the three magic words.
In a well-choreographed interview with one of the leading British tabloids, a teary Gamu Nhengu expressed her worst fears.
A bloodthirsty firing squad awaited her sweet chubby cheeks as soon as she landed at Harare International Airport.
What were you doing in Britain? Are you spies sent to overthrow me? Mugabe paces up and down the poorly lit interrogation chamber with wicked calm as he questions these arrivals from the United Kingdom. After a moment spent looking into space, as if to weigh the evidence before him, he suddenly gives the command. Shoot them!
Yes, the big, bad and monstrous Mugabe would kill this beautiful child by firing squad. Her application to stay in the United Kingdom was granted.
But Gamu Nhengu is certainly not alone.
Many clever economic migrants have found that the easiest way to cheat the rigorous British immigration system is to invoke Mugabe’s name.
So great is the Mugabe-will-kill-me frenzy that I am made to understand that other nationalities were offering top dollar for the Zimbabwean passport so they too could claim to be fleeing Mugabe.
I don’t blame them for taking advantage of this beneficial enterprise. They are very clever.
I chuckled in amusement reading an interview given by Geoff Nyarota, the supposedly independent journalist who is now looking to run for office on an MDC-T ticket. On more than one occasion he spoke of how he was an award-winning journalist.
He made sure the interviewer understood that he had won awards while others had not.
I was amused but at the same time felt sorry for the good man. Reading him relish his awards made me realise that he took them seriously.
This is unfortunate because the people who gave him the awards do not take the awards seriously.
The awards given to Geoff Nyarota are not awards for professional excellence. It is not the case that Geoff Nyarota has exhibited extraordinary journalistic skill and the entire world is in awe. This is not the case.
These awards are given by angry white hearts as a token of appreciation for being anti-Mugabe. It has nothing to do with competence.
If Geoff Nyarota was really an excellent editor why is he not offered editorial roles at the New York Times, The Guardian or The Economist? He would be fired within three weeks.
Let’s take a closer look at the supposedly award-winning journalist. What award-winning article has he written? Does he even have an opinion on any weighty matter, perhaps the rise of China and its impact on geopolitics?
Has he written any insightful works on anything remotely interesting apart from hysterically screaming the three magic words, Mugabe must go? If Nyarota penned an article on American foreign policy, would anyone outside Zimbabwe care to read it?
That is a true measure of how seriously the people who give him awards take him.
The sad truth is that, apart from the three magic words, Nyarota is really nothing more than a competent, if not mediocre, journalist.
There is nothing in his writing style, investigative technique or interviewing manner that puts him in the category of real award-winning journalists like David Frost.
Lance Guma routinely features on British television shows whenever there is talk of Zimbabwe. Notice I said when there is talk of Zimbabwe.
It is only then that he is considered useful. He will not be invited to Question Time to discuss weighty intellectual matters as regards British politics and global affairs.
When Lance Guma does get a chance to bash Robert Mugabe he does a marvellous job. What they are saying is correct, he confirms in unintelligent tones. Yes Robert Mugabe is a killer baas.
Yes we only have US$200 in our bank account. Yes it was wrong to take away the land from the white farmers who were giving us food. As he leaves the studios, the real journalists remark what a nice boy he is.
What Lance Guma does not realise is that he has no real talent for commercial radio. This is why he has not received a single job offer from any UK radio station. If he really was a talented journalist why does the BBC not ask him to join one of their popular shows and put his talent on display? The fact of it is the white farmers who have exiled themselves in Britain need black faces to legitimise projects such as SW Radio Africa. The blacks they employ cannot be thinking types of the Joram Nyathi or Gilbert Nyambabvu variety. That would be unhelpful.
Instead, they seek out unimaginative blacks that lack the intellectual rigour to question or weigh whatever narrative they are given to follow.
Lance Guma is simply a mindless cog within this manipulative system and the moment he stops mechanically chanting, “Mugabe must go, Mugabe must go,” he will immediately be replaced in the same way that all faulty parts are replaced.
The same is true of all the pseudo-journalists working at Voice of America, Studio 7 and any other pirate radio station financed by anti-Mugabe forces. None of them have any real talent and none of them will ever find real employment in the countries that are harbouring them.
Beatrice Mtetwa is another example of mediocrity being celebrated as genius for chanting the very fashionable three magic words. Beatrice Mtetwa is hardly a champion in the legal world.
She has never been hired by a large multinational company to represent them in high stakes litigation. She has never been consulted for her expertise in any significant case on this planet. She has not authored an instructive legal manual read in even the lowliest of universities. Even in Zimbabwe she continues to be outshined by effective legal minds like Jonathan Samukange and trade lawyer Dr Petina Gappah.
Consider Morgan Tsvangirai’s treason trial.
If Beatrice Mtetwa was such an award-winning legal mind why did the MDC run to South African Advocate George Bizos? One would think they would have made use of Beatrice Mtetwa’s legal services seeing that she is so highly celebrated.
The truth is even the MDC does not take these awards seriously.
The list of those who have made an industry of the Mugabe must go slogan is long.
I could add to it the likes of Lovemore Madhuku.
In the civilised world, lawyers who steal from their clients are ashamed to show their faces in public and are the object of derision.
Lovemore Madhuku cheated his clients but this was quickly forgotten and forgiven after he began chanting the hypnotic three magic words.
Suddenly, a common thief became a celebrated champion for constitutional propriety.
Should I add the name of Betty Makoni who has cleverly milked Western donors for every penny they have?
Her noble Girl Child initiative shot to global fame the moment she claimed Mugabe was after her. The question is after her for what?
There are growing signs of resignation in Western capitals to the fact that Robert Mugabe is not going anywhere.
Even within our own borders the light has begun to shine. The Commercial Farmers Union recently took out newspaper ad space, in response to the overwhelming vote for the new constitution, accepting that the Land Reform programme was now irreversible and pledging to work with the new black farmers.
This realism is yet to trickle down to the smaller pockets of resistance (read Sokwanele, SW Radio Africa and others), as they tend to be more emotional than cerebral in their view of issues.
However, it is clear that if ZANU-PF wins the coming election, as it is projected to, there will be some serious reconsideration as to the value attached to the now empty Mugabe must go mantra.
• This article has been extracted from The Herald newspaper in Harare

May 2013
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